Aeon 2011 video game awards!

Dante | 18 Dec 2011 | tl;dr

Welcome one and all to the Aeon 2011 video game awards.

In our awards we don’t care about how much money COD:MW3 made, nor do we care how much you like Skyrim…these awards are for stuff that you glossed over and the world just fucking watched.

So why wait? Lets kick it off!

The bad ass award

This award goes to a character in a game who simply didn’t give a shit. They were the judge, jury and executioner all in one and they drove the plot with sheer bravado.

Aeon gives this award to…

Geralt, who featured in The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings early this year.

Geralt consistently kicked the crap out of anyone who got in his way, even a six foot five giant…why? Because the dickhead set him up and thus made him angry.

Geralt was able to easily switch and use multiple weapons to effectively ruin the day of whatever decided to try and hurt him.

And above all…Geralt chased any tail he wanted…if he wanted some pussy, he’d go and get it…consequences be damned.

I, for one, look forward to The Witcher 3 where we will presumably play one of Geralt’s many illegitimate children.

The Half Life 3 award

This award goes to the game that we all want to see but the developers are taking their sweet time with it…and its pissing everyone off.

Aeon gives this award to…

Diablo 3, made by Blizzard as a sequel to Diablo 2 which was released in 2000.

For the longest time, us fans of the series have cried out and been teased with little snippets of this game. Now, we can feel it’s so close but the wait has been excruciating…I just wish that Blizzard would bloody give us a release date so I can plan for some time off work…God knows I’ll need it.

The pointless zombies award

This award goes to the game that was focused around killing zombies even though no one cares about zombies anymore.

Aeon gives this award to…

Dead Island, a game where you can legitimately choose to wield a machete against zombies over…say…a gun.

This game was meant to be all about team survival where you could drop in and out of other player’s games…what it ended up being was very much a mess. The ideas it implemented have all been done before but better, like the mutant zombies or the skill tree. To be honest, it was like play a crappy rip off of Borderlands on an island with some zombies.

Here’s hoping no one decides to release stupid zombie games in 2012.

The Duke Nukem award

This award goes to the game that finally released after over a decade of development and wound up being the most spectacular failure in all of gaming history.

Aeon gives this award to…

Did…did you really have to ask?

Of course, Duke Nukem: Forever wins this award.

The game was so stupendously over hyped after having development stop and start over many years…in the end someone had to clean up the mess and Gearbox came to the rescue. They tried very hard to tidy up and release the game on behalf of the failed 3D Realms team…and to be fair they did.

But the game still sucked, it was a mess, it played terribly, it made no real sense and it barely kept the franchise alive.

This game will go down in history as one of the biggest release failures ever…closely followed by America’s Army 3.

The brief lol award

This award goes to the game that made an outstanding pop culture reference in the middle of gameplay where, for a brief moment, you managed a smirk.

Aeon gives this award to…

Magicka.

Magicka was so strewn with pop culture references that I simply couldn’t grant it this award. You can get the Excalibur early in the game…complete with rock attached, you can unlock the “There can be only one” by killing MacLeod in your travels or you can watch as someone gets devoured by the Yeti from Ski Free.

Magicka gave the gift of many chuckles and smirks throughout its gameplay.

The coolest ability award

This award goes to the game that gave us an ability or skill that wowed the world in its execution. This skill would be so great that it would become its own meme-factory and people will never stop shouting it out in public.

Aeon gives this award to…

FUS ROH DAH!

A shout in the dragon tongue in Skyrim…the shout makes anything that is in front of you not be in front of you. Every gamer will abuse this shout where possible and every internet-goer will abuse their MS Paint skills where possible to create comical references to it.

Honestly though…Fus Roh Dah made Skyrim what it is…without it, the whole first half of the game would suck.

The solid snake award

This award goes to the game that gave us stealth elements once more. Even better is that it allowed us to choose when and where to use our stealth…you could sneak through entire cities or punch your way through walls…whatever floats your boat.

Aeon gives this award to…

Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

Were I to give out a “Game of the Year” award…Deus Ex: Human Revolution would get it. The game balanced stealth, combat, rpg elements and story so well. What it left was a beautiful yet yellow game.

Adam Jensen easily wins the Solid Snake award for his ability to sneakily walk into an army and decimate them from the inside out, if you haven’t played this game yet then you are missing out.

Keep being awesome Jensen…just lay off the booze for a bit.

Well, that pretty much wraps things up. ChatterboxZombie is currently working on getting you the 2011 Aeon anime awards as promised in our previous podcast.

So stick around!

Also feel free to click that +1 button right there: